...a good solid incompatibility...

“As long as a marriage is founded on a good solid incompatibility, that marriage has a fair chance of continuing to be a happy marriage, and even a romance.” G. K. Chesterton.

This blog began on facebook! And it started with the Chesterton quote posted by my long-time friend, Colleen Whitver. (I’m sort of waiting for her name to turn blue when I realize this is not facebook and her name won’t pop up to prompt me that her maiden name was Gonce.) Colleen Gonce Whitver. 

Harry and Colleen



 

But there it was on her Status Update:  “As long as a marriage is founded on a good solid incompatibility, that marriage has a fair chance of continuing to be a happy marriage, and even a romance.” G. K. Chesterton.

Then my friend adds (This formula has worked beautifully for forty years for Harry and me.)

 

Her friends appreciated the quote, called it wonderful, cool, and insightful.

 

Then I added: Maybe that’s why Thomas and I ‘get along’ so well!

 

Colleen agreed. She went on to explain that her daughter sent her this quote to be funny, but Colleen decided to post it since she and her husband provide such a good example of the truth of this ironic little quip. I agreed that my marriage would fall into that same category.in

 

Finally one of Colleen’s (I'm presuming) younger friends said, “Incompatibility? What am I missing?”

 

To which I responded:

As a young married couple I found that unless one of us ALWAYS gave in to the other one's wishes it was quickly evident that we had different preferences and did things in different ways. And my way of doing something sometimes (much of the time) irritated him or vise-versa.

 

After that incompatibility is discovered and discussed then begins the ‘waltz’ of thinking about the other person, finding creative ways to serve and to please—BUT that must be a two-sided coin. The romance goes out of a marriage very quickly when only one partner always has to give in to the other, to be the one who must ALWAYS be creative and serve the other.

Colleen responded in a similar manner.

Men and women are such different creatures. We feel, think, react, dream and work in such different ways... and THEN you get to the individual quirks and variables. If that is not a natural incompatibility, I don’t know what is! So every couple has to sort this out, day by day, year by year. I love Barbara’s description of the waltz. It is that working out of the seemingly impossible and endless differences that build a marriage and a life-long romance. The areas of natural compatibility are destroyed if the challenges of facing the differences cannot be resolved with grace and creativity and mutual satisfaction.

The facebook friends showered praise on our honesty and our collective wisdom! I felt affirmed to know that Colleen and I have had similar experiences in our marriages. The mutual submission mentioned in the  scriptures continues to define a good marriage.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
Ephesians 5:21

Colleen and Harry, in the beginning...

Harry and Colleen celebrate 40 years of marriage.



Thomas, contemplating life.

Thomas and I celebrated our 48th anniversary August 2011.



And this would be me...



The ‘waltz’ is not always easy, but it is well worth the effort and it is very rewarding when, as Colleen said, our differences can be resolved with grace and creativity and mutual satisfaction.