My love affair with personal journals began in the early years of the
'70s. Overwhelmed with motherhood, living in a foreign country, husband
working long hours in the city, I found myself lonely, desirous of
adult conversation. Lacking that, I began writing down my random
thoughts. Some came from my study of the Scriptures; others, from
observing my son and daughter, (one born in December 1968 and the other
in January 1970, 13 1/2 months apart). Whether from my observations of
their interactions or from my readings in the Bible, my thoughts were
often expressed in spiritual parallels, one example being: My love for
my children gave me insight into God's love for me! ...and for the first
time, I began to understand my own worth. At other times I wrote out of
desperation, crying out to the Lord.
Initially I scribbled my thoughts on loose leaf notebook paper or a
yellow legal pad. Then I came across a discarded ledger book, the kind
in which you keep financial records. Someone had attempted to keep
financial records, I suppose, but had given up rather quickly! (I say
this because the first two pages had been removed, cut carefully very
close to the binding.) The column format of the ledger pages did not
hinder me from adopting this book of empty pages as my very own
journal. This would become the first of many journals that I would fill
over the next several decades.
My first entry begins: Hechendorf, Germany. January 1972.
"Lord, can it be that I am pregnant again? I trust you when I read,
'All thing work together for good....' But in my human weakness, at this
moment, I have doubts."
For the next two pages I poured out my heart to the Lord, my doubts,
my weaknesses, my fears, concluding with a prayer, "May your hand rule
over all and receive praise and glory for it. Amen."
Writing in a journal has been helpful, allowing me to explore issues
and clarify my thinking. My journal entries let me to look at ideas and
situations from different perspectives. I could shine light into my own
heart, and eventually the fog would began to lift and I could embrace a
new insight or celebrate a long held conviction.
Journals served me well for many decades and were a safe place to
protect my private reflections. One whole section of my bookshelves is
devoted to them and I added a full book ever so often, although, not as
often as in the earlier years.
Now, in the last few decades this sort of writing has become known as
blogs... and very public blogs, at that! However, I don't see this
spiritual discipline of reflection and writing as an either/or issue. I
still write my most private thoughts in my journal (a paperback book
enclosed in a removable leather cover, a gift from my son), but, from
time to time, I write a public blog... especially when I think my ideas
might benefit others. I recommend both journaling and blogging to you,
but my love remains faithful to my journals.
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