Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Why must it be either/or? Reflecting on journals and blogs.

My love affair with personal journals began in the early years of the '70s. Overwhelmed with motherhood, living in a foreign country, husband working long hours in the city, I found myself lonely, desirous of adult conversation.  Lacking that, I began writing down my random thoughts. Some came from my study of the Scriptures; others, from observing my son and daughter, (one born in December 1968 and the other in January 1970, 13 1/2 months apart).   Whether from my observations of their interactions or from my readings in the Bible, my thoughts were often expressed in spiritual parallels, one example being: My love for my children gave me insight into God's love for me! ...and for the first time, I began to understand my own worth. At other times I wrote out of desperation, crying out to the Lord. 

Initially I scribbled my thoughts on loose leaf notebook paper or a yellow legal pad.  Then I came across a discarded ledger book, the kind in which you keep financial records.  Someone had attempted to keep financial records, I suppose, but had given up rather quickly!  (I say this because the first two pages had been removed, cut carefully very close to the binding.) The column format of the ledger pages did not hinder me from adopting this book of empty pages as my very own journal.  This would become the first of many journals that I would fill over the next several decades.

My first entry begins: Hechendorf, Germany.  January 1972.
"Lord, can it be that I am pregnant again? I trust you when I read, 'All thing work together for good....' But in my human weakness, at this moment, I have doubts."

For the next two pages I poured out my heart to the Lord, my doubts, my weaknesses, my fears, concluding with a prayer, "May your hand rule over all and receive praise and glory for it.  Amen."

Writing in a journal has been helpful, allowing me to explore issues and clarify my thinking. My journal entries let me to look at ideas and situations from different perspectives. I could shine light into my own heart, and eventually the fog would began to lift and I could embrace a new insight or celebrate a long held conviction. 

Journals served me well for many decades and were a safe place to protect my private reflections. One whole section of my bookshelves is devoted to them and I added a full book ever so often, although, not as often as in the earlier years. 


Now, in the last few decades this sort of writing has become known as blogs... and very public blogs, at that!  However, I don't see this spiritual discipline of reflection and writing as an either/or issue. I still write my most private thoughts in my journal (a paperback book enclosed in a removable leather cover, a gift from my son), but, from time to time, I write a public blog... especially when I think my ideas might benefit others. I recommend both journaling and blogging to you, but my love remains faithful to my journals. 

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